Navigating Family Building During the Holidays

The holiday season can be an emotionally charged time for anyone, but for those on a fertility journey, it often comes with additional layers of stress and heartache. At Boston IVF’s Wellness Center, social workers Dylan Everett, LICSW, MSW and Stephanie Rodrigues, LICSW offer compassionate advice on how to navigate the unique challenges the holidays present when you're focused on building your family.

The Pressure of Social Media and the "Perfect" Holiday Image

One of the most challenging aspects of the holiday season is the flood of social media posts showing smiling families, holiday cards, and happy children. As Rodrigues points out, social media can feel like a “highlight reel,” where everyone seems to have a perfect family and joyful life. But it’s important to remember that these images often don’t tell the whole story.

“We don’t know what goes on behind the scenes,” says Rodrigues. Some of those families may have struggled with infertility too. Reminding yourself that social media is not a reflection of reality can help ease the pressure you may feel when comparing your situation to others.

Setting Boundaries with Family Events

The holidays also bring family gatherings, which can be particularly difficult if there are pregnant family members or if conversations turn to questions about your plans for children. Everett and Rodrigues emphasize that it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own emotional well-being. Here are some tips to navigate family events:

✓It’s okay to skip an event: If attending a family gathering feels too emotionally overwhelming, give yourself permission to sit this one out. You don’t need to feel obligated to attend every event.

✓ Set time limits: If you do decide to attend, plan ahead with your partner or spouse (if applicable). Decide how long you’ll stay and have an exit strategy in place if things become uncomfortable.

✓ Be selective with conversations: If family members start asking questions about your fertility journey, it’s okay to deflect or change the subject. You can also prepare a simple, polite response in advance, such as, “We’re focusing on spending time together right now. We’ll share updates when we’re ready.”

✓ Prioritize your immediate family; Remember that your priority is your own family-building journey, and it’s okay to put that first. Whether that means skipping an event or leaving early, your well-being comes first.

Managing Year-End Grief and Disappointment

For many people, the end of the year brings reflection on goals and milestones. If your fertility journey didn’t go as planned in 2024, it’s normal to feel grief and disappointment as the year draws to a close. Everett and Rodrigues note that the expectation to achieve certain milestones—whether it’s getting pregnant, having a baby, or reaching a new stage in treatment—can lead to feelings of failure or sadness as the calendar flips to the new year.

Here’s how to cope with those emotions:

✓ Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to grieve the fact that your year didn’t go as expected. Whether you thought you’d be pregnant by now or have a baby in your arms, give yourself permission to feel sad and disappointed.

✓ Share your emotions: Talking about your feelings with a therapist, close friends, or your partner can be incredibly healing. Don’t hesitate to seek support, whether through a counselor or a support group where others understand your journey.

✓ Focus on the present: While it’s natural to grieve what didn’t happen, try to focus on what you can control—like how you’ll care for yourself moving forward. This might include setting intentions for the upcoming year, but without the pressure of rigid resolutions.

Embracing Self-Care and Your Mental Health

Ultimately, the most important takeaway from Everett and Rodrigues’s advice is that self-care is essential during the holidays. Whether it’s taking a break from social media, skipping a family gathering, or seeking therapy, make your mental health a priority.

The holidays can stir up difficult emotions, but by setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion, you can navigate the season in a way that honors your needs. Family building is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to care for yourself during this challenging time of year.

If you’re struggling, know that Boston IVF’s Wellness Center is here to support you, offering mental health resources and a compassionate space to process your emotions. Your journey is unique, and you don’t have to go through it alone.